yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
