Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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