You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
