That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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