Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
