I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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