Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
