you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
