wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
