So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
