I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
