you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So many bounce houses so little time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
