I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
