i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he fucked my hip out of place.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
