My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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