Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
