i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
