All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
