the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
