Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
