Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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