need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
