I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
