i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
