I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do herpes really smell.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
