How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That accounts for only three of the penises
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
