Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
