brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
