I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
