When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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