I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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