Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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