We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
