Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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