You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
