You smell like stripper and shame
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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