I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
