It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
