They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
