Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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