remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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