mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
