His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
