talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
