He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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