Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
