I wish I could teleport
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
