you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
