I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Houston, we have a squirter
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
