if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
