Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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