Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
