I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
