So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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