New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
